Today I didn't really do anything, but it was in the name of a greater realization. Or because of one once I was already halfway through it. It's no great secret that I have a lot of free time, and this is usually because I'm either without or incapable or forming plans around what's going on here. Today was different. I realized, though empirical observation of course, that actively trying to relax is not the same thing as idly letting time go by. I've realized I actually find the latter stressful. It causes me some form of anxiety to be sitting around and waiting for something to happen. I suppose it should have been obvious to me, what with how I would make religious laps around my list of bookmarks. I'd sit up and wait for something to be posted somewhere, anywhere. Webcomics, news sites, FaceBook. It was probably emotionally toxic on some level.
Today, though, I sat back with a game in a comfortable bed with the AC turned up just right with resolve in the fact that today, I was doing nothing on my terms. I unwound in a way I had literally forgotten possible. It doesn't make a lot of sense written down like this, but I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. So nyeah.
It was awesome. S'all there is to it.
Very cool dude. The difference is pretty obvious to me though. One, is a planned, focused intent. The other is a complete lack of intent. So long as your intents are congruent with your values, focusing on them is going to feel good. :)
ReplyDelete