Neglecting my duties. Tch.

So I have some kind of problem with my heart. Whether or not the heart is the culprit or the victim is at this point indeterminate. High blood pressure seems to have something to do with it. Long story short, it's been the bane of my entire life. Constant exhaustion, poor sleep, and fits of fatigue so severe it's impossible to stay awake have punched holes in pretty much any endeavor I've set out to accomplish. No longer.


I went to the ER last night and got checked out by a 30-year cardiology vet, which was an amazing relief after years of being brushed off by nurses. They ran about three times as many tests as they normally do, and in the end I was given a pill to take. It was supposed to lower my blood pressure so my heart could catch its metaphorical breath, repair and rest itself, and finally give me the energy I've been lacking my whole life.


And holy shit did it work. I stayed up last night playing Fatal Frame 4 till around dawn and woke up loopy but otherwise okay. My fault, etc. I hung around and did my thing (nothing impressive) for a while and finally took a nap out of boredom around 2. I woke up around 6 and felt something that 12 hours of my previous sleep tendencies never had: I felt rested. I had energy. I didn't even realize how much until I tried to sit down at my computer and just do my normal sedentary thing. I managed to hold still for about ten minutes before I got up and walked two miles on a whim. And when I got home, I lifted weights for half an hour.

This would usually be the end of me for the rest of the day and possibly tomorrow, but know what? I'm not even winded. I could get up and do it again, and I'm having a hard time restraining myself from doing so long enough to chatter this post out. I'm actually tripping over my fingers while I type because even my typing speed has shot up dramatically. Or it would have if I didn't have to keep erasing typos.

I hope this is what it's going to be like from now on, and not just my body trying to compensate for the lower blood pressure or something. If this is what people are supposed to feel like day-to-day, then I can't imagine an excuse bad enough to fail at anything ever.


I'm going to go fight a bear. Later.

The message is coming, the receiver is on, but...

Not to get too spiritual here, I have lost some of the belief in "coincidences." Scientifically, one could simply say by making that shift in perception, I'm noticing more coincidences not that there actually are any more. Ultimately it doesn't really matter...

Here's an example. I went to Wendy's today for dinner since I was going to be at the office until late tonight. They apparently double made my order so I walked home two two massive burgers and a small mountain of fries. Score! I think to myself although my guy was like, "Dude. Just drop that extra bag off at your local neighborhood bum or dump it in the trash. You don't need all that food."

Made it back to work. Since I find it hard to eat and work, I fired up Lifehacker.com and unwrap a big ol' burger. It then pummeled me with articles about weight loss. "Eat better food and you can lose weight!" "Four food tricks to lose weight." "The five best foods to stock your fridge with." etc.

My gut was like, "Well damn... Maybe I shouldn't eat this burger." I did anyway. "Well, I should at least lay off the fries." I didn't eat them all. "Well, let's not eat the frosty then." It's gone. "...You're not seriously about to eat that other burger, are you?" Okay. I finally stopped.

But what the hell? I do control my own actions, right? *sigh* Apparently not well enough.

There must be a way to fix this.

Socializing.

Busy busy busy. By my standards, anyways.

I did another long day on Friday, but a friend I haven't seen in probably a year or two showed up and made things surprisingly bearable. So I suffered through a depressing and sub-par movie and finally got out, only to find that my ride was going to take an hour or so to get there. So we ended up standing around and trading stories and acting like the retards we knew eachother as in middleschool. It was pretty nice, but he saw the night unfit to be left at that. It took him the entire hour we were there to convince me to go along, but we ended up walking to a nearby bar instead of picking up our ride. (Other people needed the ride too, so we weren't just blowing off someone who had come specifically for us.)

Now, I've only rarely been in a bar, and this was pretty much as generic and stereotypical a place as you could think of. Wooden everything, pool tables, smoke, and a few sports-themed arcade games. And there I was in a three-piece suit, glasses, and a slicked back ponytail. I didn't exactly strike up any interesting conversations aside from our own, but I got to try rum and Coke, which I liked more than I expected.

God, this is turning into an actual blog. I'd erase this if getting out more wasn't one of my goals.

Anyways, we walk back to his apartment and pretty much just try out Reach until 4 or 5 am. We crash hard, and I wake up to something I didn't expect: The sound of his mom's voice.

I know how bad that sounds. I promise it was innocent. Long story short, I got toted around for a better part of the day for errands, family visits, etc. And a Chinese buffet. Mostly the Chinese buffet. It was also my dad's birthday, so by his request we came back and had an awesome dinner and watched the Transformers sequel. (Was it just me, or did it try really reeeeally hard to show it was a movie for grownups?)

The rest of that night was basically more gaming and hanging out. He left his 360 over here, which I made good use of. He picked it up this morning, to my dismay, but I would have never have realized how nice it was outside today if I'd had my nose stuck in Fable II. We opened up all the windows and aired the place out, which it needed.


And... yeah. That's pretty much it. Good lord that was a mouthfull. Sorry.

More Rantage

I have a habit. It's a bad one, I think. Yet, it is a very seductive one.