Neglecting my duties. Tch.

So I have some kind of problem with my heart. Whether or not the heart is the culprit or the victim is at this point indeterminate. High blood pressure seems to have something to do with it. Long story short, it's been the bane of my entire life. Constant exhaustion, poor sleep, and fits of fatigue so severe it's impossible to stay awake have punched holes in pretty much any endeavor I've set out to accomplish. No longer.


I went to the ER last night and got checked out by a 30-year cardiology vet, which was an amazing relief after years of being brushed off by nurses. They ran about three times as many tests as they normally do, and in the end I was given a pill to take. It was supposed to lower my blood pressure so my heart could catch its metaphorical breath, repair and rest itself, and finally give me the energy I've been lacking my whole life.


And holy shit did it work. I stayed up last night playing Fatal Frame 4 till around dawn and woke up loopy but otherwise okay. My fault, etc. I hung around and did my thing (nothing impressive) for a while and finally took a nap out of boredom around 2. I woke up around 6 and felt something that 12 hours of my previous sleep tendencies never had: I felt rested. I had energy. I didn't even realize how much until I tried to sit down at my computer and just do my normal sedentary thing. I managed to hold still for about ten minutes before I got up and walked two miles on a whim. And when I got home, I lifted weights for half an hour.

This would usually be the end of me for the rest of the day and possibly tomorrow, but know what? I'm not even winded. I could get up and do it again, and I'm having a hard time restraining myself from doing so long enough to chatter this post out. I'm actually tripping over my fingers while I type because even my typing speed has shot up dramatically. Or it would have if I didn't have to keep erasing typos.

I hope this is what it's going to be like from now on, and not just my body trying to compensate for the lower blood pressure or something. If this is what people are supposed to feel like day-to-day, then I can't imagine an excuse bad enough to fail at anything ever.


I'm going to go fight a bear. Later.

The message is coming, the receiver is on, but...

Not to get too spiritual here, I have lost some of the belief in "coincidences." Scientifically, one could simply say by making that shift in perception, I'm noticing more coincidences not that there actually are any more. Ultimately it doesn't really matter...

Here's an example. I went to Wendy's today for dinner since I was going to be at the office until late tonight. They apparently double made my order so I walked home two two massive burgers and a small mountain of fries. Score! I think to myself although my guy was like, "Dude. Just drop that extra bag off at your local neighborhood bum or dump it in the trash. You don't need all that food."

Made it back to work. Since I find it hard to eat and work, I fired up Lifehacker.com and unwrap a big ol' burger. It then pummeled me with articles about weight loss. "Eat better food and you can lose weight!" "Four food tricks to lose weight." "The five best foods to stock your fridge with." etc.

My gut was like, "Well damn... Maybe I shouldn't eat this burger." I did anyway. "Well, I should at least lay off the fries." I didn't eat them all. "Well, let's not eat the frosty then." It's gone. "...You're not seriously about to eat that other burger, are you?" Okay. I finally stopped.

But what the hell? I do control my own actions, right? *sigh* Apparently not well enough.

There must be a way to fix this.

Socializing.

Busy busy busy. By my standards, anyways.

I did another long day on Friday, but a friend I haven't seen in probably a year or two showed up and made things surprisingly bearable. So I suffered through a depressing and sub-par movie and finally got out, only to find that my ride was going to take an hour or so to get there. So we ended up standing around and trading stories and acting like the retards we knew eachother as in middleschool. It was pretty nice, but he saw the night unfit to be left at that. It took him the entire hour we were there to convince me to go along, but we ended up walking to a nearby bar instead of picking up our ride. (Other people needed the ride too, so we weren't just blowing off someone who had come specifically for us.)

Now, I've only rarely been in a bar, and this was pretty much as generic and stereotypical a place as you could think of. Wooden everything, pool tables, smoke, and a few sports-themed arcade games. And there I was in a three-piece suit, glasses, and a slicked back ponytail. I didn't exactly strike up any interesting conversations aside from our own, but I got to try rum and Coke, which I liked more than I expected.

God, this is turning into an actual blog. I'd erase this if getting out more wasn't one of my goals.

Anyways, we walk back to his apartment and pretty much just try out Reach until 4 or 5 am. We crash hard, and I wake up to something I didn't expect: The sound of his mom's voice.

I know how bad that sounds. I promise it was innocent. Long story short, I got toted around for a better part of the day for errands, family visits, etc. And a Chinese buffet. Mostly the Chinese buffet. It was also my dad's birthday, so by his request we came back and had an awesome dinner and watched the Transformers sequel. (Was it just me, or did it try really reeeeally hard to show it was a movie for grownups?)

The rest of that night was basically more gaming and hanging out. He left his 360 over here, which I made good use of. He picked it up this morning, to my dismay, but I would have never have realized how nice it was outside today if I'd had my nose stuck in Fable II. We opened up all the windows and aired the place out, which it needed.


And... yeah. That's pretty much it. Good lord that was a mouthfull. Sorry.

More Rantage

I have a habit. It's a bad one, I think. Yet, it is a very seductive one.

Rantalicious

So yeah. Been a little while. I haven't done much in the awesome department here lately. Been in a major funk.

But, to be honest, I don't really wanna talk about that right now. I'd rather talk about this...

Hooo~tinany.

So I went to the school today.

For those of you not up to speed, I've been trying to find out about this program that was teased to me in July that would allow me to take a general aptitude test and graduate with an actual diploma rather than a GED. Finding out about it has been nothing short of pulling teeth, and I've gotten a molasses-drip slow feed of information through phonecalls. Tired of not having my messages responded to, I decided to show up and just start asking questions.

Long story short, they have no idea what's even going on or when. They know just as much now as they did then. Saying I'm pissed would not be inaccurate. This is mostly because they had told me that they had gotten the complete outline of the program and were actually in training for the new procedures, but couldn't help me because the schoolyear was starting and everyone was busy getting the new students through orientation, etc.


So I'm a tad livid.


Oh yeah. I was talking with my mother today about the problems cropping up in her marriage, and why. I don't want to sound like I'm reveling in her misfortune, but the sheer fact I'm getting vindication in what I've been saying about my dad for the better part of a decade has lifted some weight off my shoulders I didn't even know I was carrying. I've always been an outcast for my outspoken stance against his... misuse of authority. She's pierced through all that for the first time in YEARS, and I guess it just feels really good to not be thought of as crazy.

Cheers.

Critical Mass

It has not been a good week.

I apologize to my nonexistent readerbase for not updating nightly as I claimed I would, but life has just kind of been in a downward spiral for a little while now. Health issues, emotional pitfalls, financial clusterfuckery, and one 16-hour shift in particular has taken its toll on me. I have failed to uphold my awesome quota, and for that I am sorry.

I'm trying to get back on my feet, and I'll be seeing about putting something more substantial up here in a day or two if life manages to not capsize in the meantime.

For now I'm going to try and do something about the railroad spike in my chest.

To Contemplate Awesome

I know, I haven't posted here as much as I should have. It's been a tiring week, and a little bit of everything has backslid in one way or another. I'm going to just do some menial things around here tonight, but I'm planning on making a big post tomorrow detailing all the stuff I've done over the past few days.

See you then.

Bleh

Okay. I know I'm not a morning person, but today was ridiculous. I can't be doing THAT any more. I need to get on this 7-4 schedule at work. I think it'll do me good.

Did my workout. Ate alright though I missed breakfast and there was too much dressing on my salad. I like my wrap-wich though. It's pretty tasty and not too bad.

Did my work out. Did it later than I should have. Time to crash. And, y'know, actually crash this time.

Omnomnom?

Today was so so. I didn't get up and go like I intended to, but I didn't sit around as long as yesterday.

I did my social bit by going to a company happy hour bit. Meant I ended up missing Aikido. And I'll miss it Thursday and Saturday too, so that's all kinda shot.

I ate a lot at the happy hour, since it was free. No good. But I did my plyometric workout today. Good.

I did a little work for Wyre, but not as much as I'd want. I'll change that a bit tomorrow.

Time to crash.

Another week, another opportunity to be awesome

Let's see... Morning was bad. Got up, should've done my workout but I didn't. Instead, I pissed around until later than I should have.

Work was good. Did a little data entry (500+ entries. Bleh), did some documentation, did a very little bit of research on AJAX with RoR. It's looking like it might just be easier to do AJAX without worrying about the Ruby part. I need to do more research on the best way to do it.

After work, I hit up Gigabites and got a game in. It was close, and I feel I can more or less blame some crappy magic phases for the majority of my bad luck. There needs to be some solid house rules on some of the discrepancies though. Does Mark of Khorne grant frenzy to mounts? Does the first rank count for steadfast? Bah. I would've felt kind of bad if I had won, TBH but I didn't and it was close so 'vateva.

Then around 11:30, I got home and got P90X going. My numbers weren't great but it's late and there may not have been as much energy as if it were earlier.

But for now, I'm gonna shower then crash. G'night, folks!

One Small Step for Mankind

One giant leap for my ability to be useful again. I'm gonna try to wind my schedule back over the next couple of days. This sleep crap has got to stop.

(Shortest post ever. Go me?)

Did some, not all

Okay, well, I got some of the stuff I wanted to do done today. Not all, by any stretch, but some.

Rails is up and running, and dammit, I will stick to this one come hell or high water. After CAMRAS I can tell I'm incredibly wishy-washy on just deciding on a framework and doing it. However, fuck it. Rails is it. I'm doing it, no arguments. Every day I WILL make SOME meaningful PROGRESS!!

YAR!!

I'll get to bed more or less on time tonight, but I do plan to up my alarm to give me at least 8 hours. I need to start getting real sleep. Sleep = Energy. Energy = Productivity. Productivity = Awesome.

That's the whole damn point of this blog after all!

YAAAAARRRR!!

Physiological Trainwreck

So my sleep schedule has gone to hell. And everything I own within this fleshy form is writing in to tell me just how much they dislike the new direction my internal clock has gone. I haven't been very productive through the constant exhaustion and body aches, but I'm gonna try and do something more productive in what time I have left for the rest of today. Maybe.


Ciao.

Half a day late

But I will post!

I totally crashed and burned last night, so sorry no post. Yesterday was pretty meh. I barely had but two hours or sleep. There wasn't a *whole* lot of work to do yesterday and I went to Aikido and managed not to kill anyone, so all in all, it was kind of a boring day.

Not very awesome. But hey, I was sleepy.

Laying down the law

Today was a lot of fun. :)

Got up and went to have brunch with the family. The 'rents were heading back to G-Wood so it was a goodbye, but they'll be back next week anyway. Nick and I then hit up Gigabites, and I got a couple of games in. Both wins and it was good to get back into the swing of some war-gaming. Plus there were some particularly hilarious dice rolls (Goblin nets. I do not fear them.)

Afterwards, I rolled back home to practice a little bit of Rock Band with Josef and Andy via XBox Live. That was fun, of course, and we've got a list of possible hits for the tourney in two weeks.

Finally, I spent a lot of time (and some money) bulking out the "infrastructure" as it were around me enriching my social, romantic and intimate life. Most of those were taking a serious blow in the last couple years. I've made a commitment to changing that.

Tomorrow, I have several commitments to honor. I will not have much sleep. This will be interesting. :)

A Slow Day as a Perfected Art

Today I didn't really do anything, but it was in the name of a greater realization. Or because of one once I was already halfway through it. It's no great secret that I have a lot of free time, and this is usually because I'm either without or incapable or forming plans around what's going on here. Today was different. I realized, though empirical observation of course, that actively trying to relax is not the same thing as idly letting time go by. I've realized I actually find the latter stressful. It causes me some form of anxiety to be sitting around and waiting for something to happen. I suppose it should have been obvious to me, what with how I would make religious laps around my list of bookmarks. I'd sit up and wait for something to be posted somewhere, anywhere. Webcomics, news sites, FaceBook. It was probably emotionally toxic on some level.

Today, though, I sat back with a game in a comfortable bed with the AC turned up just right with resolve in the fact that today, I was doing nothing on my terms. I unwound in a way I had literally forgotten possible. It doesn't make a lot of sense written down like this, but I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone. So nyeah.


It was awesome. S'all there is to it.

Up late but still getting it

I swear I'll do this on time, sooner or later.

Spent most all of the day hanging out with family. This is good stuff. Got to try Papasitos which was pretty good (though I didn't care for their salsa) and wandered around the Mall of Georgia (all the stores I liked seem to have vanished though.)

Got to play a little Star Craft II. Good game so far. :D

Nothing super exciting on the more productive fronts but I intend to change that tomorrow. :)

'Til next time.

Wires, Strings, and Broken Things.

Music: Calling to the Night - Metal Gear Portable Ops


Today was a day of ups and downs. Most of the down came from arguing with my mother, but I suppose that's smalltime compared to most other matters of recent history.

My room is now a red cat's hair away from being finished, at least. I put up my big whiteboard again for doodling spontaneous ideas, but the new arrangement of furniture has left it in a somewhat awkward position. I'm gonna have to figure something else for it. Maybe put it up by my door to scribble reminders on. I already have more paper than an OfficeMax for other doodles.

Speaking of doodles, a random SlashDot article sparked a wave of inspiration in me by giving me information to chew on. For the longest time I've referred to a "control room" in the fictional base I write, but I've never really had any ideas or even concepts to point out when asked to explain what's in there. One article and several very informative posts from people who have actually worked in near sci-fi control centers, and I was tearing up paper like a... I don't have an applicable metaphor, but let's just leave it at "I now have a floor plan with little numbers and a legend correlating all 20-some points of interest to important stations/functions."

I guess that's all, but I feel like I'm forgetting something. I'll edit if I remember.

Running late but still on task!

Whew! Lots of good fun today.

To qualify the wee hours of the morning, I cleaned, organized and tidied the entire apartment. The only thing I failed to handle was vacuuming the apartment. Which, well, would've been kind of rude to do at 5:30 in the morning.

So, house cleaned, my family showed up. I get to eat out with them a couple of times, got to go see the movie Inception (which was good!) and just hang out with the family. I miss them a lot some times and it's always good to see them. :)

Progression on goals! I picked up a book that focuses on generating and sustaining Creative Energy. This sounds close to my issue. If I can channel that energy with my growing (and yet still anemic) self-discipline, it might do me some good. I was social today with my family and I improved my knowledge of recent pop culture (OMG, I saw a MOVIE!?)

We'll see what happens tomorrow (today?)

The Wheel in the Sky Keeps on Turning

Music - The Wii menu in the background


So today was slow, but not without merit. I actually ended up staying up until the wee hours of the morning (I fell asleep at sunrise) to talk to a friend. Not for shits and giggles, mind. He had just been dumped by his fiancee of 5 years, and was hitting both the sauce and the philosophy like a pro. So after talking him down from doing something rash, we just kept talking for hours.

So I woke up at 2PM.

Whole lot of nothing happened for the most part, until we made a run into town for a few things. Long story short, I now have a kickass video card for absolutely free. And we fixed the blown water pipes in the laundry room, so there's that.

Told you it was slow.

Captain's Log, Star Date: Zooey Deschanel, if you please.

Music: You're Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring


So here I am, doing something I once swore I'd never do: Write a blog. Alas, it is for a purpose rather than to stew in my own thoughts, so I deem it acceptable.

Today was slow, mostly, but not without some progress. I suppose if you count the wee hours of the morning, I made some progress in organizing the dining room last night. I then slept for 12 hours, but who's counting? Most of today's progress has centered around normal housechore type things. Laundry, running all the sheets and bedclothes through the wash, cleaning my room. The type of thing more fortunate people hire less fortunate people to do.

I finally made contact at the school that's been giving me a runaround for the past couple of weeks regarding my diploma. They took a message. *eyeroll* So I think I'm just going to show up Tuesday morning and not leave until I have some answers. I'm tired of being brushed off. I know they have orientation to deal with, but I have a life to try and patch back together. So they can deal with that, too.

Oh. Not today's victory, but my Wii was recently softmodded into usefulness again. It's got a busted disk drive and our internet doesn't lend itself well to downloading to the console, so now being able to emulate off a USB stick has earned it a position in the entertainment center again. Today came the games I have thirsted for for so long. (I get a new game like... once every 6 months.) Only Wiiware for now, but it's still drops of water in a desert. Megaman 9 and 10, Cave Story, Bomberman Blast, and Phoenix Wright were the initial selections. My brother informs me that Metroid: Other M will be done torrenting by dawn. So that's awesome.

I'm kind of grasping at straws for something to talk about, so I suppose I should wrap this up. More to come tomorrow. Stay tuned, folks.

And so it begins!

Music: Invincible, Adelita's Way

So yeah. Today is awesome simply because I committed to this project. Every day for the rest of the year, I have to post something that is awesome. Awesome to me. Productive, inspirational, f'cking cool, progressive, enlightening... Awesome.

In addition, I finally processed the big wad of mail on my desk and cleaned the bitch. I even broke out the clean wipes and gave it a once over. Oh yeah. Redi-wipe fresh! :D

On the career front, I managed to get all the things I was tasked to do done and learn some more about Git. Good SCM. Still not 100% convinced of its superiority over Mercurial but then again; different tools, different jobs.

I'm still on the path of having this shithole cleaned up for my folks who will be driving over tomorrow. It's gonna be spotless and lemony fresh.

I may see about imposing a little more order on my posting tomorrow. We'll see.

What's this blog all about?

Basically, this is a shared blog for the creation of awesome lives. Anything worth living is worth chronicling so me and one Jeremy are putting our keyboards where our mouths are and doing it Awesome style.

We've committed to chronicling our Journey to Awesome everyday (and will berate encourage each other to follow through.)

Onwards with the Awesome!